If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Also, beer. Big fan.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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