U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
