so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
