Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
