I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
NoShamevember. You game?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
