the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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