So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
