She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
