First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
