Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
