my mouth tastes like poor choices
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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