Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
