dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Randomize
