It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
