She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
