o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
