I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
