the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Randomize
