its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Who died my cat blue again?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
