wanna go halves on a baby?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
