I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Randomize
