i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
