my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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