He asked to "fluff my boner.."
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
