My boss' voice literally gives me gas
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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