I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
