I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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