Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
