Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i came on her dog
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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