I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
