that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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