Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
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