I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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