Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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