I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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