We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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