i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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