he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
