hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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