apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
