dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I forgot how hot balto sounded
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
