How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
