it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
