She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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