so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
