They should really pass out barf bags in church
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
