i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
