i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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