Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
