My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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