Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
