I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
