ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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