I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
